Friday, January 22, 2010

Another Year

Lesa (2 1/2 years old) & Herby (5 years old) - December 1962

I have a friend that recently lost her brother. She asked me if the pain ever gets better or goes away.

No - I can honestly say that it does not go away. Ever.

It does get easier to carry around but it never goes away.

It's always there hiding in the shadows of your heart.

It becomes a part of who you are.

She wanted know if the holidays and anniversaries were hard. The first ones were pretty hard but the worst days are everyday ordinary days.

The everyday ordinary days........ The days when I am reminded of my brother and I didn't expect it.

The days when I see the back of someones head that looks like my brother and my breath catches in my chest because just for a moment - I think it is him.

The days when I see a good friend of his that misses him just about as much as I do and I can see the pain and longing in their eyes. I can hear the catch in their voice as they speak of him.

The days when I see a truck from the company where he worked and think for just a moment - is it him?

Those are the days that hurt the most.

The everyday ordinary days that take a little detour through my heart when I least expect it. That's it. When I least expect. The everyday ordinary days.

Every time this happens - the next thing I know - I am thinking about thinking. This is a link to the post that wrote last year about my brother.

I still love you & miss you Herby!



Anonymous said...

You wrote excatly what I feel. Never do I see that certian work truck go by that I don't think of him. When I see Dale 3 or 4 times a week I think of him. Dale has lost his Cadiz route and has to move to a Hoptown route. I feel like I am losing Herby all over again! I would love for Herby to have seen Jennie there is NO telling what he would have taught her! I love it when Deano calls her little Herby.
Love you!

Robert Lasher said...

I have never lost a brother or sister, yet, we're all getting up there though, so who knows when that'll start happening. I did lose my Dad a few years back and though he was 83 and sick w/prostate cancer, it was painful then. But for me, it was only painful for a little while, although sometimes when memories of him filter into my consciousness, I touch that pain again. I rejoice that he is with the Lord as I am certain he is, and look forward to the day we will be reunited. Sorry for your loss. Hope this helps you.

Lesa said...

Robert - I also rejoice that my brother is with Lord and that I will see him again. Thanks for sharing and commenting! It helps to know that others have been where I am walking each day!