I have a friend that recently lost her brother. She asked me if the pain ever gets better or goes away.
No - I can honestly say that it does not go away. Ever.
It does get easier to carry around but it never goes away.
It's always there hiding in the shadows of your heart.
It becomes a part of who you are.
She wanted know if the holidays and anniversaries were hard. The first ones were pretty hard but the worst days are everyday ordinary days.
The everyday ordinary days........ The days when I am reminded of my brother and I didn't expect it.
The days when I see the back of someones head that looks like my brother and my breath catches in my chest because just for a moment - I think it is him.
The days when I see a good friend of his that misses him just about as much as I do and I can see the pain and longing in their eyes. I can hear the catch in their voice as they speak of him.
The days when I see a truck from the company where he worked and think for just a moment - is it him?
Those are the days that hurt the most.
The everyday ordinary days that take a little detour through my heart when I least expect it. That's it. When I least expect. The everyday ordinary days.
Every time this happens - the next thing I know - I am thinking about thinking. This is a link to the post that wrote last year about my brother.
I still love you & miss you Herby!